Best Pirate Jokes and Pirate Puns That Will Get Your Crew Chuckling

We’ve collected the best pirate jokes and private puns we could find! How will you use them? Maybe you’re having a pirate party or just adding a little pirate fun to your regular day. Let us know in the comments.

You might also like some of our other funny jokes and puns: shark jokes, beach jokes, birthday jokes, Disney jokes, dinosaur jokes, and car puns.

best pirate jokes

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Best Pirate Jokes

  • Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank? – Because they’ll just wash up on shore later.
  • How do pirates know that they are pirates? – They think, therefore they ARRRR!!!!!
  • What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes? – 8 pirates.
  • What do ye call a pirate with two eyes and two legs? – A rookie.
  • Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? – Because they can spend years at C.
  • How do pirates prefer to communicate? – Aye to aye!
  • What did the pirate wear on Halloween? – A pumpkin patch.
  • What did the pirate say when he became an octogenarian? – Aye matey years old!
  • What kind of grades did the pirate get in school? – High Cs.
  • How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheap? – He bought it on sail.
  • How do you turn a pirate furious? – Take away the “p”.
  • What did the ocean say to the pirate? – Nothing, it just waved.
  • What’s a pirate’s least favorite veggie? – Leeks.
  • What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of fish? – Swordfish.
  • Why did the pirate cross the road? – To get to the second-hand shop.
  • What do pirates wear when it gets really cold? – Long Johns.
  • How did the pirate call his mate? – On his aye phone.
  • Why did the pirate give up playing golf? – Because he kept hooking the ball!
best pirate jokes

Pirate Puns

  • I’m a pirate, off to sea! It’s a plunderful life for me.
  • A pirate plunders the high seas. A pie-rat plunders the pantry.
  • The high seas are where me heart-y it be.
  • We set sail on the high seas at the kraken of dawn.
  • Watch out for pirate ships; they’re assailing vessels.
  • Pirates don’t need to go on vacation. They get all the arrr and arrr they need at work.
  • Pirates are obsessed with being at sea. They’re aqua-holics.
  • Aye-ll have my own ship schooner or later.
  • It’ll be nautical miles and miles before a pirate decides to return to the shore.
  • Retired pirates love yoga because of all the ex-sailing.
  • Seeing a pirate ship in person is truly oar-inspiring.
  • You can abso-loot-ley trust me with the treasure map.
  • All I Caribbean about is finding the treasure!
  • A fool and his booty are soon parroted.
  • I like my booty to be filled with looty.
  • That pirate is par-rotten to the shore!
  • The treasure is just a hop, skiff, and a jump away.

Add your favorite pirate joke to the comments.

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