87 Textable Jokes For Teens (That Are Actually Funny!) PRINTABLE

Getting your teen to laugh can be a little tricky. We all know how important a good chuckle is, especially for our big kids.

These jokes for teens were collected with the intention of connecting with our older kids on a playful level.

You might also find the corny joke, math joke, and science joke collections fun!

Funny Jokes for Teens

When will you use these jokes for teens? When they are feeling a bit down or anxious about a big event?

• Why do pimples make horrible prisoners? – Because they keep breaking out!
• Did you hear about the guy writing a construction book?- He’s still working on it.
• I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. – Then it hit me.
• Why did Harry Potter suddenly go bald in his teens? – He lost his Hedwig.
• How do you know when you’re desperate for an answer? – You look at the second page of Google search results.
• What starts with E, ends with E, and has only one letter in it? – An envelope.
• Why do teenage girls travel in odd-numbered groups? – Because they can’t even.
• What do computers eat for a snack? –  Microchips!
• What did one light bulb say to the other? – Watt’s up?
• Why is the obtuse angle sad? – Because it’s never right.
• Why was 6 afraid of 7? – Because 7 8 9!

Related Post: Riddles for teens

• What does a high school basketball player and a jury have in common? – The Court
• What do you call high school kids who haven’t been able to go to school because of COVID-19? – Quaranteens.
• Why can’t a T-rex clap its hands? – Because they’re extinct.
• Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom? – Because it has a silent pee.
• Are you aware of the “kidnapping” that happened at school? – It is alright; the kid just woke up.
• What is a teenager who never grows called? – Constantine
• What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy? – I don’t know, and I don’t care.
• If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have? – Big hands.
• How do you communicate with a fish? – Drop it a line.
• Why does a music teacher need a ladder? – To reach the high notes.
• What did the grape say when it was pinched? – Nothing, it just started to wine.

• Why are frogs always so happy? – They eat whatever bugs them.
• How do you drown a hipster? – In the mainstream.
• What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? – Guardians of the Galaxy.
• What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married? – Feyoncé.
• What is red, orange, and full of disappointment? – High school pizza.
• Are you free tomorrow? – No, I’m expensive.
• What did the green grape say to the purple grape? – ‘Breathe, man! Breathe!’
• Why are green beans the most Zen of all vegetables? – Because they’ve found their inner peas!
• The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

Related Post: Exam Jokes & Sports Jokes

• What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down? – It gets toad away.
• What gets sharper the more you use it but dull if you don’t use it at all? – Students.
• Why did the period tell the comma to stop? – It was the end of the sentence.
• Want to hear a roof joke? – The first one’s on the house.
• What should you do if you’re attacked by a group of clowns? – Go straight for the juggler.
• Why should you never trust a pig with a secret? – Because it’s bound to squeal.
• What do cows order from? – Cattle-logs!
• What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? – Finding half a worm in your apple.
• Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? – Because she will let it go!
• What do a judge and an English teacher have in common? – Sentences. Lots and lots of sentences.

• Why don’t history teachers want to teach about the Middle Ages? – It takes too many knights.
• How do you find Will Smith in the snow? – Look for the fresh prints.
• Why did Adele cross the road? – To sing, “Hello from the other side!”
• What did one DNA strand say to the other? – Does my bum look good in these genes?
• What did the punching bag say to the boxer? – Hit me baby one more time.
• How many tickles can make an octopus laugh? – Ten-tickles.
• How are parties organized at NASA? – They planet.
• What do you call a Star Wars droid that takes the long way around? – R2-Detour.
• What do you call an old snowman? – A creek.
• What is a little bear with no teeth is called? – A gummy bear.
• What book won’t teachers give you credit for reading? – Facebook.
• What tea is the most difficult to swallow? – Reali-tea.
• Can you put the cat out? – Why, is it on fire?
• Why are eggs bad at telling jokes? – They always crack each other up.
• How do basketball players always stay cool? – They sit near their fans.

• What do you call a 12-inch nose? – A foot.
• Why did the man fall down the well? – Because he couldn’t see that well.
• What animal is the worst at hiding? – The leopard — he’s always spotted.
• Where do cats go swimming? – The kitty pool.
• Why are spiders such know-it-alls? – They’re always on the web.
• What do you call a pony with a sore throat? – A little hoarse.
• How does the moon cut its hair? – E-clips it.
• What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? – A stick.
• What happened with Dracula met a snowman? – They got frostbite.
• What did Jay-Z call Queen Bey before they tied the knot? – Feyoncè
• Why does ice cream get invited to every party? – Because it’s cool and sweet.
• What did the Baby corn say to the Mama corn? – Where is popcorn?

Why do sharks swim in saltwater? – Because pepper water makes them sneeze!

• What did the grape say when he was pinched?- Nothing, he gave a little wine.
• What gets sharper the more you use it, but dull if you don’t use it at all? – Students.
• What are the most popular perfumes for ages 12 to 18? – Adolescents
• What’s the difference between the ACT and SAT? – One letter.
• What does a high school basketball player and a jury have in common? – The Court.
• What kind of bone should a dog never eat? – A trombone.
• What has two legs but can’t walk? – A pair of jeans.
• What falls in winter but never gets hurt? – Snow.

Funny Jokes for Tweens

If you haven’t gotten to the teen years, these jokes for tweens might be right on time.

• What do you call a 60-year-old who hasn’t reached puberty? – A late boomer.
• How do Minecraft players celebrate? – They throw block parties!
• What do tween ducks hate? – Voice quacks.
• What do you call twins on the swim team? – Synchronized swimmers.
• Why couldn’t Cinderella play soccer? – She kept running away from the ball.
• How did the hipster’s mouth burn? – He had pizza before it was cool.
• Why is it important to have a dog in the house where there is a teenager? – So that someone in the house is happy to see you
• A kid threw a lump of cheddar at me yesterday. I said, ‘That’s not very mature’.
• My boss told me yesterday, “You shouldn’t dress for the job you have, dress for the job you want.” But when I turned up today in Ghostbusters clothes, he said I was fired.
• Why did the selfie go to prison? – It was framed.
• Have you heard where the word “studying” came from? – Students-dying.

Can you share a funny joke that gets your teen to giggle?