Bedtime Routine for Kids – Creative and Fun Way to Make Bedtime Better
Ahhhh bedtime. Peaceful. Quiet.
The perfect time for parents to relax, recharge and reconnect with each other.
After the kids have smiled their last sleepy smile you close the door and drift downstairs ready to let the adult time begin.
Doesn’t that bedtime routine sound fabulous… and well UNREALISTIC?!?!?
I would have agreed until about 6 months ago. I was in search of a way to fix our bedtime woes.
{Awesome update! This bedtime routine has now been working for us for 4 years. I couldn’t be happier. I hope you will find the same success getting the kids to go to bed and making bedtime a wonderful experience for everyone.}
The Bedtime Battle (when I was NOT getting the kids to go to bed)
M and M had become out of control at bedtime. Begging for one more drink, yelling for me (or at each other), crying for me to stay in the room.
It was awful… and of course, I made terrible parenting choices.
I was so, so exhausted by that point in the evening that I was doing things I don’t even consider during the day.
Bribery, bending (um breaking) set rules, yelling (ick), and worst of all letting guilt sway my parenting choices.
I just kept picturing their dreams being filled with my angry/ exhausted/ frustrated face… since that was the last thing they had seen.
I would go soft and let them get away with anything. It got to the point where Hubs had to put them to bed for me… I had lost ALL credibility at bedtime.
Bedtime Routine for Kids – Creative and Fun Way to Make Bedtime Better
I came across a bedtime routine while reading Parenting With Love And Logic
Let the kids decide when to go to sleep.
My brain was spinning. “WHAT?!? We would be nuts to consider it! No way, no way… NO WAY! Hmmmm…. what we’re doing isn’t working. Trying it out couldn’t hurt. Why not… we’re mostly nuts anyway.” 😉
We set a plan… decided on the boundaries and braced ourselves for a very long night.
We had the kids prepped for sleep by 7:00 pm. (Teeth brushed, jammies on, stories read.) Then we let them in on the “rules” for the evening. We told them (very honestly) that we had enjoyed spending the day with them but now we needed some “adult time”.
They were welcome to stay awake, but they were to play quietly in their room.
We would know they were ready for bed when they came out of their room. (The hidden meaning there is that they can only come out once!)
We told them to enjoy their rest and then walked down the stairs.
Would you believe they played quietly for 1 hour and then ASKED to go to bed?!?!
You read that right they actually said “I’m tired. I want to go to sleep.”
It worked! It worked! It worked!
The best part is… it’s still working. After 6 months it is still working. I love awesome parenting tricks that are so easy to execute!
Note: This routine worked great for us, but it may be helpful to investigate sleep problems in kids a bit to make sure there isn’t an underlying issue that needs to be addressed.
Extra Tips for this bedtime routine:
- In the beginning, we were really strict (although kind, patient and calm) about the “once out straight-to-sleep rule”. There were NO exceptions. After a month or so we were able to be a bit more flexible. Sometimes Big M will have a Lego structure to show us and we can look then send him back up with no problem. It will be easy to go back to being strict if coming out becomes a problem.
- Rowdy play, fighting, or just plain being loud are grounds for sleep time.
- M and M have rarely been ready for bed past 8. If you have a real “set” time that you want your little ones off to dreamland the transition should be easy. Just guide them into bed with a kiss and hug. I bet they won’t even notice it wasn’t their choice after quietly playing for so long.
I know how scary and challenging the first night of this bedtime routine can be. (I’ve read the comments :)) YOU GOT THIS!
Ready for bedtime? Let me know if this bedtime routine works for you too!
* It’s working! Here are some great experiences from the comment section!
Larissa says: We’ve used this concept with our children and the great part about doing it with your first, and then subsequently having more children…they learn the process off the older one. So the ‘battle’ we had with our first at around 2yrs old, wasn’t even an issue when we had our second child. She just saw what her big brother was doing (they share a room) and we had no battle with her. We have three children now, and when the baby is old enough to move in with her sister, same thing; wonderful bedtimes.
I always feel for the parents that have to stay with their child until they fall asleep. My alone time is so precious starting at 7:30pm. I don’t know what kind of a mother I’d be without it!
Kat says : my son’s 2-1/2 now and i’ve been doing this since he was around 16 months old or so. it works great! he chooses when he wants to go into his room (no later than 7pm – he usually goes in around 5:30 or 6pm) and basically decides when he wants to go to bed (usually falls asleep between 8pm-9pm). he sleeps better and it’s less stressful for him and us. i do this with his naptime too, but usually he just has a 1-1/2 hour “quiet time” because he stopped the naps but his doc recommended a quiet time around the same time as his nap would be. and he’s so much better when he’s rested even if it’s just playing in his room.
Lydia says: THANK YOU!!! My husband insisted I write and thank you! We have been doing this with our children for about a month. I was a little skeptical at first but it has proven effective. I have 2 boys (5 & 3) and one girl (2). I am expecting my fourth in 2 weeks and have very little patience at the end of the day. We tried this after a particularly taxing day and are amazed how well it is working. We would sit in our boys’ room until they were asleep, then they would come into our room in the middle of the night because they were scared. The first night was a dream! They went into their room at 7 and didn’t come out until they were ready to go to bed. We have family close by so some nights we are out later than bedtime. However, when we are at home, they understand the process and jump right back into our bedtime routine. My boys are sleeping better than ever and I am getting some much needed talk time with my husband after the kids go to bed and am much more patient with them. We don’t yell at them as they are going to bed anymore. Our daughter has been a good sleeper from the beginning but she is also still in her crib in her own room. We will do this with her when she moves into a big-girl bed so hopefully that transition will be a little easier.
I have twin 2 year old boys too! Life is crazy and bedtime has become a HUGE stressor for us. We have to be up by 5:30-5:45 every morning to make it out the door for 6:30. Ideally, we need them in bed and asleep by 7pm so they can function the next day. Since toddler beds happened (2 months ago now?) they don’t want to go down. We try a bedtime routine and I nurse them in their rooms, they crawl into bed, my hubby and/or I will sing them two or three songs and then we’d like them to sleep. Instead, they get up, they cry, we need to threaten to close the door or walk away, and at the end we usually end up an hour or two (sometimes three) later laying on their floor until they fall asleep.
My big issue with your plan is that my boys don’t play well independently. They always need or want one of us there with them. They’re never ever playing alone in their rooms (right now we don’t have any toys in there so that it’s toddler safe and not a distraction – that said, I don’t think come bedtime they would care about the toys. They’d be concerned with us just not being there. I don’t know how to get around that side of it? What happens if they don’t want to sit in their room playing quieting?
I’m so tired! By the time they’re sleeping, we have the kitchen left to clean, lunches to make and then it’s debate whether we have the energy to have a quick shower or just crash in bed. We need relief 🙁
So do you do stories and songs and stuff before you let them play? How much time do you spend when you go back in there to put them to bed? Can’t wait to try this!
I still don’t get it. How do you make them stay in their room or bed after the first time? What is the trick? I spend 3 hours on average a day putting kids to bed from start of bed time routine until the last one falls asleep. I’m miserable at bed time. My husband has been very supportive and tried everything I have tried, but is just willing now to spank them until they go to sleep. I am not willing to do that. I just think it’s unhealthy. We have 5.5 year old twins, a 3.5 year old and almost 2 year old. If it’s not one its the other. If they take naps during the day, bedtime is worse and at least one of them will be awake until 11. My twins have been hard with bedtime since they were 2. My 3.5 year old literally used to do so well at bed time -he would grab his blanket and put himself in bed when we said go to bed. Now he is usually the worst at bed time. My youngest climbs EVERYTHING so he is in a big boy bed and can climb over any baby gate we put up to keep him in his room. Quiet play is non-existent with 4 boys. It just is. I love my kids but bedtime is total hell for me and has been for almost 4 years. We have done routines, put them in their rooms same bedtime every night for months on end with no success. I feel like I am missing some key thing that makes this bedtime thing work. My husband and I have little time at night because we wakes up at 4am so has to be in bed at 8pm which means bedtime has really just been mostly on me since all my kids were born. I’m a natural night owl and would let the kids stay up later but then when my husband is off that means no alone time. Plus, 4 boys. That should say enough right there. Something will be destroyed if we leave them all alone…. so if you can explain how you keep them in bed when they come out after the one time I might try this again…
Very intrigued by the idea! Currently have a 3 year old who has been fighting bedtime since the introduction of her big girl bed. We are hoping to have our 11 month join herein her room soon and he goes to bed by 7:00pm every night. Not sure if this method could work for us given the difference in bed times?
That’s a great question! Perhaps try rest time in a different room so the one who is sleeping isn’t disturbed?
Wow! Last night – my son was asleep by 8.30pm and tonight by 8:45pm. It’s a miracle! I was really expecting a late night for the first go. I know it’s early days but just had to email you to let you know. Not only was he asleep at a reasonable time, but his anxiety seems less, the bedtime conflict has disappeared and he is in his room by 7.30pm. I think he’s seeing the benefits for himself. He asked me if we could do ‘rest time’ again tonight.
Thanks for the meditation tips too!
I am a single mum to a nearly 7 year old who has a lot of trouble getting off to sleep – says he’s scared, feels wierd, worried about things, doesn’t like his bed, and sometimes, just cannot get off to sleep for no apparent reason. It has got to the point recently of him not getting to sleep until around 10pm, leaving him (and me) tired, exhausted with big bags under his eyes. He has always been a bad sleeper right from the start and while things got a little better for a short while, finally sleeping through the night when he started primary school, the last 8 months have got progressively worse again in terms of not being able to get off to sleep.
I am going to try your technique – starting tonight – and see what happens. I am expecting him not to go to sleep until very late tonight but being able to reason with him and explain in a more grown up way why we’re trying this seems to have resonated with him. Of course the idea that he chooses when to go to sleep is a great attraction and I reckon he will actually want to make it work. I told him that most children don’t get this level of choice and responsibility until they are about 10 years old – that really helped too.
I love this! Sending positive (and sleepy) vibes your way! You might also try working with him on techniques for getting to sleep. If his mind starts to worry when he lays down that can make it harder to sleep (spoken from someone who had to over come that). Meditation might be good for him. There is a free app called Calm that you can put on a phone or tablet that guides meditation. I also really like the kids meditation book– Meditation Is an Open Sky: Mindfulness for Kids – http://amzn.to/2rV0LQs (affiliate link)
The meditation tip that helps me the most with worry is picturing a pencil circling the thought and then watching it float away like a bubble. Hope that helps!