Bedtime Routine for Kids – Creative and Fun Way to Make Bedtime Better
Ahhhh bedtime. Peaceful. Quiet.
The perfect time for parents to relax, recharge and reconnect with each other.
After the kids have smiled their last sleepy smile you close the door and drift downstairs ready to let the adult time begin.
Doesn’t that bedtime routine sound fabulous… and well UNREALISTIC?!?!?
I would have agreed until about 6 months ago. I was in search of a way to fix our bedtime woes.
{Awesome update! This bedtime routine has now been working for us for 4 years. I couldn’t be happier. I hope you will find the same success getting the kids to go to bed and making bedtime a wonderful experience for everyone.}
The Bedtime Battle (when I was NOT getting the kids to go to bed)
M and M had become out of control at bedtime. Begging for one more drink, yelling for me (or at each other), crying for me to stay in the room.
It was awful… and of course, I made terrible parenting choices.
I was so, so exhausted by that point in the evening that I was doing things I don’t even consider during the day.
Bribery, bending (um breaking) set rules, yelling (ick), and worst of all letting guilt sway my parenting choices.
I just kept picturing their dreams being filled with my angry/ exhausted/ frustrated face… since that was the last thing they had seen.
I would go soft and let them get away with anything. It got to the point where Hubs had to put them to bed for me… I had lost ALL credibility at bedtime.
Bedtime Routine for Kids – Creative and Fun Way to Make Bedtime Better
I came across a bedtime routine while reading Parenting With Love And Logic
Let the kids decide when to go to sleep.
My brain was spinning. “WHAT?!? We would be nuts to consider it! No way, no way… NO WAY! Hmmmm…. what we’re doing isn’t working. Trying it out couldn’t hurt. Why not… we’re mostly nuts anyway.” 😉
We set a plan… decided on the boundaries and braced ourselves for a very long night.
We had the kids prepped for sleep by 7:00 pm. (Teeth brushed, jammies on, stories read.) Then we let them in on the “rules” for the evening. We told them (very honestly) that we had enjoyed spending the day with them but now we needed some “adult time”.
They were welcome to stay awake, but they were to play quietly in their room.
We would know they were ready for bed when they came out of their room. (The hidden meaning there is that they can only come out once!)
We told them to enjoy their rest and then walked down the stairs.
Would you believe they played quietly for 1 hour and then ASKED to go to bed?!?!
You read that right they actually said “I’m tired. I want to go to sleep.”
It worked! It worked! It worked!
The best part is… it’s still working. After 6 months it is still working. I love awesome parenting tricks that are so easy to execute!
Note: This routine worked great for us, but it may be helpful to investigate sleep problems in kids a bit to make sure there isn’t an underlying issue that needs to be addressed.
Extra Tips for this bedtime routine:
- In the beginning, we were really strict (although kind, patient and calm) about the “once out straight-to-sleep rule”. There were NO exceptions. After a month or so we were able to be a bit more flexible. Sometimes Big M will have a Lego structure to show us and we can look then send him back up with no problem. It will be easy to go back to being strict if coming out becomes a problem.
- Rowdy play, fighting, or just plain being loud are grounds for sleep time.
- M and M have rarely been ready for bed past 8. If you have a real “set” time that you want your little ones off to dreamland the transition should be easy. Just guide them into bed with a kiss and hug. I bet they won’t even notice it wasn’t their choice after quietly playing for so long.
I know how scary and challenging the first night of this bedtime routine can be. (I’ve read the comments :)) YOU GOT THIS!
Ready for bedtime? Let me know if this bedtime routine works for you too!
* It’s working! Here are some great experiences from the comment section!
Larissa says: We’ve used this concept with our children and the great part about doing it with your first, and then subsequently having more children…they learn the process off the older one. So the ‘battle’ we had with our first at around 2yrs old, wasn’t even an issue when we had our second child. She just saw what her big brother was doing (they share a room) and we had no battle with her. We have three children now, and when the baby is old enough to move in with her sister, same thing; wonderful bedtimes.
I always feel for the parents that have to stay with their child until they fall asleep. My alone time is so precious starting at 7:30pm. I don’t know what kind of a mother I’d be without it!
Kat says : my son’s 2-1/2 now and i’ve been doing this since he was around 16 months old or so. it works great! he chooses when he wants to go into his room (no later than 7pm – he usually goes in around 5:30 or 6pm) and basically decides when he wants to go to bed (usually falls asleep between 8pm-9pm). he sleeps better and it’s less stressful for him and us. i do this with his naptime too, but usually he just has a 1-1/2 hour “quiet time” because he stopped the naps but his doc recommended a quiet time around the same time as his nap would be. and he’s so much better when he’s rested even if it’s just playing in his room.
Lydia says: THANK YOU!!! My husband insisted I write and thank you! We have been doing this with our children for about a month. I was a little skeptical at first but it has proven effective. I have 2 boys (5 & 3) and one girl (2). I am expecting my fourth in 2 weeks and have very little patience at the end of the day. We tried this after a particularly taxing day and are amazed how well it is working. We would sit in our boys’ room until they were asleep, then they would come into our room in the middle of the night because they were scared. The first night was a dream! They went into their room at 7 and didn’t come out until they were ready to go to bed. We have family close by so some nights we are out later than bedtime. However, when we are at home, they understand the process and jump right back into our bedtime routine. My boys are sleeping better than ever and I am getting some much needed talk time with my husband after the kids go to bed and am much more patient with them. We don’t yell at them as they are going to bed anymore. Our daughter has been a good sleeper from the beginning but she is also still in her crib in her own room. We will do this with her when she moves into a big-girl bed so hopefully that transition will be a little easier.
I really wish this worked for us. However, my kids were not coming out of their rooms, they just weren’t going to sleep. The only way to end the shenanigans was to be in there. We tried for a week. The earliest they were asleep was 10:00 pm. Will have to try something else.
I wish this could work for me. My son is 2 and is extremely spirited. We keep a baby gate on his door as he would most definitely climb dangerously in the middle of the night if we didn’t. So the part of him coming out when he is ready wouldn’t work. Also, he won’t get or stay in his bed on his own. While I would love to simply put him in his room and tell him to play quietly until he’s ready for bed, he has easily stayed up until 11pm before. Usually I do sit in his room and try to work while he goes to sleep in an effort to at least keep him in his bed. He often jumps, talks, pushes limits, ignores my requests that he put his head on his pillow and close his eyes. We also have a problem with him climbing furniture in his room and then falling off and hurting himself. It’s like I have a child I can’t trust to do something like this as he does such extreme dangerous stuff on his own. Not to mention that he often, if left alone so my husband and I can have time together, will strip and pee everywhere. I think the anxiety of what he is going to do while I’m not there just outweighs the stress and frustration of the bedtime battles. I honestly feel like I am trapped by my child. I have another due i about 9 weeks and I simply don’t know how I’m going to handle things. Anyone have a child with similar issues? How did you implement this plan?
I have read through this post with squinty eyes and my coffee desperate to figure out a solution to our problem. Should like this might actually work for us but here is my situation. My son is 4 and my daughter turns 3 in a month. My son I sleep trained and it was text book. He was sleeping through the night by 8 months with very minimal waking and always feel asleep on his own. Perfect ….on to #2…I tried everything, I read everything and I still have issues with her waking at night at 3!! She goes to bed most nights fine, granted I think they go to bed too late, but Im working on that. SHe falls asleep on her own with the occasional potty excuse or juice excuse etc….but she wakes every single night sometime between 2-4am and wants juice and to come in my bed. I had given in to this because she slept and it was a 5 minute thing but for the last few months is a tantrum or some other crying session that goes on and on. I feel horrible that she doesn’t get enough sleep. Im going to try tonight letting them play quietly and see if they will put themselves to bed but here is my issue. my two when they play get so rowdy its like a damn circus! I can’t see them play alone in their rooms. I feel like they will want to play together and then they just get all wound up. So do I tell them to play alone in their rooms and then if they come out that is a sign they are ready for bed? If they come out and then claim they aren’t ready for bed then what?
Big, big hugs to you Karen! You all need sleep!
My first thought about her waking in the night was the same as yours, overtired at bedtime. I would start rest time earlier than you think so that she doesn’t have a chance to get a second wind. You might also try giving being really consistent in the night of minimal interaction — straight back to bed and not much talking. If it’s a habit, that might break it quickly.
My kids are 18 months apart and love rowdy play. The surprise benefit for us was that everyday they get calm quiet time together. It’s a special time for them so I would not separate them unless you feel it’s necessary later. Instead I would make sure they understand rowdy play is a way to let you know they are ready for bed. Have them come up with ideas for playing in the room together (or side by side on separate things). If they get rowdy put them to bed, keep it positive it’s not a punishment. “Oh don’t worry! You’ll get rest time again tomorrow! Dream of ways to play calmly with your sister.”
Good luck!
So when they have come out of their room and then shown that they are ready for bed (even if they aren’t but just don’t listen) what do you do? If they have now lost their chance to go to sleep how do you actually get them to go to sleep? We sort of so this routine as my kids play in their room after we leave but the problem is that they are not going to bed until 10-10:30 at night!! What do u recommend of these issues?
We try to keep it really positive. “We heard you wrestling and since wrestling is a sign you are ready for sleep, we’re going to tuck you in.” When they protest we come back with. “Hmmm, I see, well tomorrow you can start rest time again. I wonder what you’ll play tomorrow!” We don’t argue but instead just continue getting them into bed and kissing them goodnight.
If they are staying up that late it’s possible they have caught a second wind and you need to start rest time earlier (sounds crazy but totally works!) or if they are truly getting enough sleep you might try waking them up in the morning until their bodies adjust to a time that works better for you.
Greetings, and thank you for the Intriguing post. We have 3 children, ages 6, 3, 1.5. The smaller two share a room and I’m wondering how this process works in that situation, especially with the toddler. Thank you again!
Ohhh I love this question! I would say the toddler needs a modified version, perhaps you play quietly with him/her while the other two play on their own. If you start to see signs of sleepiness then head him/her to bed. “I see your rubbing your eyes. That tells me your body is ready to lay down.”
When my kids shared a room, I would help the one who stayed awake out to the hall. It doesn’t happen often as this really has become a “together time” for them. They usually decide together.
My last thought is perhaps you could start off with the older two having rest time in the 6 year olds room. Once you get the routine down you could ask them how they want to handle it.
Hope this helps!
Hi there
My husband and I are desperate for help… my son is 4.5 and sleep has always been a bit of an issue, although for the most part we have “coped”.
For many months now, the normal routine was:
Go to his room at 19:30 (he always insists on Daddy taking him).
Daddy reads a story or two, maybe tell a story, then sits with him until he falls asleep because he “doesn’t want to be lonely” when he goes to sleep. He would then be asleep by 20:15 at the latest. It is however taking longer and longer for him to fall asleep, and it usually ends in tears..
Last night we tried your approach. We took him to his room at 19:00, read a few stories, chatted and then he played quietly in his room giving us a chance to have some alone time. He came to tell us he was ready to sleep at about 20:30 and that is when it all went wrong… He refused to stay in his room and after some tantrums and the usual bargaining (which had no effect last night), my husband eventually let him pass out in our bed at about 21:30. He woke up exhausted this morning.
Please guide me as to how we should approach the “I don’t want to be alone in my room” after my son tells us he is ready to sleep. I hate the person I become when we have these battles and I could just see the wonderful bond we had during the early hours in the evening dissolve into nothing in about 2 minutes…
First off… big, big hugs to you! I know the feeling and it’s a terrible place to be. You might try making a Positive Behavior Book for him with the idea that it’s important for him to learn how to sooth himself to sleep. Talk to him about ways that you and your husband relax or things you know he does during the day. “When I am ready for sleep I like to lay with my eyes closed and think about a memory that makes me happy.” or “I noticed when you were relaxing this afternoon that you snuggled your bear and rubbed his ear. That might be a good way for you to settle into sleep.”
Remember that he does not know how to put himself to sleep yet, but that lesson is worth going through this hard time. It’s a lesson that will help him through his entire life. 🙂 I’m here if you have more questions or if you just want to vent. (PS YAY for a little alone time!)
Do you have any thoughts on children (I have twin boys 6.5 years old, 4 yo, 2.5 yo) who after playing for a while (and my twins can go on and on and on…) are hungry? It gets to 9 pm and they start asking for food. (at 7pm we do the pyjamas, teeth, toilet routine, then into their rooms until they are tired and ask to be tucked into bed.) It’s semi-working but not as smoothly as I’d like. (tea-time is usually 6pm-ish). 🙂
Hmmm… That is a fantastic question! Could they have a cracker quietly in their room without interrupting the quietness of the play? Something that isn’t exciting enough to become a habit but will settle their tummies?
Possibly but I know it can quickly become a habit! (They will ask for ‘supper’ after being babysat by their Nanna as she gives them extras just before bed!!) I ended up offering them carrots after I’d commented, and one of them ate two and one chose not to. Crackers are a treat around here, lol!
I’ll keep at it. It hasn’t been a magical bullet so to speak, but it’s still better than being angry for 2 hours after the kids are ‘meant’ to be asleep! 🙂
Ok, so here is what I don’t see working. What happens when they come out and say they are ready for bed, and we go to tuck them in and my 5 year old screams she wants me to stay because she is scared of the dark, or just scared? She has plenty of light, so it can’t be the dark she is scared of.
Did you see the great ideas for helping kids with bedtime fears in the Confident Parenting Facebook Group?
We tried this with our 4 year old.
First night, I had to tell her at 9pm that it was time to go to bed. She insisted, even after playing by herself for an hour and a half, that she wasn’t tired yet. But I made her go to bed anyway. Asleep by 9:30.
Same thing on night 2. She was in bed at 9pm and didn’t fall asleep till 9:45.
Tonight, I said no to big girl time and we had an epic screaming match till I got her in bed at 9pm. She was out by 9:15pm.
It’s back to the drawing board for us.
This is going to sound crazy Alexandra… but you might try starting rest time an hour earlier. I know for myself if I don’t get to bed when I’m tired I get a second wind. She might be missing the perfect sleep time for her. 🙂