73 Funny History Jokes for Teachers & Students (with Printable)

Some kids find history boring. One way to change is to sprinkle in a few jokes at just the right time. 

To help them enjoy the class better, here are some funny jokes about history that will surely crack them up.

You might also like these other school joke collections: Exam Jokes, School Appropriate Jokes, Science Jokes, or Math Jokes. 

Funny Jokes about History for Teachers and Students

• Why can’t you hear a ptero­dactyl go to the bathroom? – Because the pee is silent.
• What’s an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant? – Pizza Tut!
• What did the pharaoh say when he saw the pyramid? – “Mummy’s home!”
• Where do young Vikings hang out? – In the Norsery.
• How was the Roman Empire cut in half? – With a pair of Caesars.
• Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever? – Julius Sneezer.
• What was the most popular kids’ movie in Ancient Greece? – Troy Story.
• Who made King Arthur’s round table? – Sir-Cumference.
• Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages? – Because there were so many knights.
• Why was the king only a foot tall?- Because he was a ruler.
• Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated? – He was Bjorn again.

• What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa? – A rockstar!
• What do you call a Medieval knight who’s always sure of himself? – Sir Tainly.
• What was Camelot famous for? – It’s knight life.
• Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington’s army? – Laugh-ayette!
• Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? – At the bottom.
• What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776? – Indepen-dance.
• Who succeeded the first President of the United States? – The second one.
• What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common? – Their middle name.
• What’s a mummy’s favorite type of music? – Wrap!
• How were the first Americans like ants? – They also lived in colonies.
• Who cleaned up after the animals on the ark? – I have Noah idea!
• Why is history class so hard? – Because the teacher asks about things that happened before you were born.
• What kind of music did the Pilgrims like? – Plymouth Rock!
• Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping? – Because he couldn’t lie.
• Why is England the wettest country? – Because the queen has reigned there for years!
• How did the Vikings send secret messages? – By norse code!
• Who invented fractions? – Henry the 1/4th!
• How did Louis XIV feel after completing the Palace of Versailles? – Baroque.
• What did King George think of the American colonies? – He thought they were revolting.
• Why did Karl Marx dislike Early Grey tea? – Because proper tea is theft.
• What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common? – The same middle name!
• What did Caesar say to Cleopatra? – Toga-ether we can rule the world!
• What is the fruitiest subject at school? – History, because it’s full of dates!
• Why did the pioneers cross the country in covered wagons? – Because they didn’t want to wait 40 years for a train!
• When a knight was killed in battle, what sign did they put on his grave? – Rust in peace!

Related Posts: Art Jokes and Art Puns

• What does the Statue of Liberty stand for? – Because it can’t sit down!
• What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants? – They both lived in colonies!
• What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776? – Indepen-dance.
• How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity? – Shocked.
• Where did the pilgrims land when they came to America? – On their feet.
• Why did the knight run around shouting for a can opener? – He had a bumblebee in his suit of armor!
• Who succeeded the first President of the United States? – The second one.
• Why did Columbus cross the ocean? – To get to the other tide.
• In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box? – The battle of Portaloo.
• How does Moses make his tea? – Hebrews it.
• Why did Captain Cook sail to Australia? – It was too far to swim.
• What did the visitor say as he left the Statue of Liberty? – Keep in torch!
• What did the colonists do because of the Stamp Act? – They licked the British.
• Two wrongs don’t make a right, but what do two Wrights make? – An airplane.
• What is a snake’s favorite subject in school? – Hissssstory.
• If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? – The Pilgrims.
• What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester? – “Over my dead body!”
• Which English royal family was the smartest? – The Tudors.
• What kind of tea did the American colonists want at the Boston Tea Party? – Liberty!
• Did you hear the joke about the Liberty Bell? – It cracked me up.
• What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek? – Marco Polo.
• Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat? – Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
• Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm? – Because it was an early bird!
• How did brave Ancient Egyptians write? – With hero-glyphics.

• Why was the pharaoh boastful? – Because he sphinx he’s the best!
• Which pharaoh played the trumpet? – Tooting-khamun.
• Why did the mummy go for a relaxing spa and massage? – He was all wound up.
• Where would you find Hadrian’s Wall? – At the bottom of his garden!
• Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons? – He wanted to Mark Antony.
• Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe? – He had no heir!
• Why did Arthur have a round table? – So nobody could corner him!
• Why was the history degree deemed useless? – Because there’s no future in it.
• What do history teachers talk about at parties? – The good old days.
• What’s a mummy’s favorite type of music? – Wrap.
• Why are there pyramids in Egypt? – It is too heavy to be put into a museum.

Add your favorite History Jokes in the comments.

For more giggly fun, check out these books:

• Best Joke Books for 7-year-olds
• Knock-Knock Jokes for Kids (check it out on Amazon here) – Affiliate link
• Laugh-out-Loud Jokes for Kids (check it out on Amazon here) – Affiliate link
• National Geographic Kids Just Joking (check it out on Amazon here) – Affiliate link