Bedtime Routine for Kids – Creative and Fun Way to Make Bedtime Better
Ahhhh bedtime. Peaceful. Quiet.
The perfect time for parents to relax, recharge and reconnect with each other.
After the kids have smiled their last sleepy smile you close the door and drift downstairs ready to let the adult time begin.
Doesn’t that bedtime routine sound fabulous… and well UNREALISTIC?!?!?
I would have agreed until about 6 months ago. I was in search of a way to fix our bedtime woes.
{Awesome update! This bedtime routine has now been working for us for 4 years. I couldn’t be happier. I hope you will find the same success getting the kids to go to bed and making bedtime a wonderful experience for everyone.}
The Bedtime Battle (when I was NOT getting the kids to go to bed)
M and M had become out of control at bedtime. Begging for one more drink, yelling for me (or at each other), crying for me to stay in the room.
It was awful… and of course, I made terrible parenting choices.
I was so, so exhausted by that point in the evening that I was doing things I don’t even consider during the day.
Bribery, bending (um breaking) set rules, yelling (ick), and worst of all letting guilt sway my parenting choices.
I just kept picturing their dreams being filled with my angry/ exhausted/ frustrated face… since that was the last thing they had seen.
I would go soft and let them get away with anything. It got to the point where Hubs had to put them to bed for me… I had lost ALL credibility at bedtime.
Bedtime Routine for Kids – Creative and Fun Way to Make Bedtime Better
I came across a bedtime routine while reading Parenting With Love And Logic
Let the kids decide when to go to sleep.
My brain was spinning. “WHAT?!? We would be nuts to consider it! No way, no way… NO WAY! Hmmmm…. what we’re doing isn’t working. Trying it out couldn’t hurt. Why not… we’re mostly nuts anyway.” 😉
We set a plan… decided on the boundaries and braced ourselves for a very long night.
We had the kids prepped for sleep by 7:00 pm. (Teeth brushed, jammies on, stories read.) Then we let them in on the “rules” for the evening. We told them (very honestly) that we had enjoyed spending the day with them but now we needed some “adult time”.
They were welcome to stay awake, but they were to play quietly in their room.
We would know they were ready for bed when they came out of their room. (The hidden meaning there is that they can only come out once!)
We told them to enjoy their rest and then walked down the stairs.
Would you believe they played quietly for 1 hour and then ASKED to go to bed?!?!
You read that right they actually said “I’m tired. I want to go to sleep.”
It worked! It worked! It worked!
The best part is… it’s still working. After 6 months it is still working. I love awesome parenting tricks that are so easy to execute!
Note: This routine worked great for us, but it may be helpful to investigate sleep problems in kids a bit to make sure there isn’t an underlying issue that needs to be addressed.
Extra Tips for this bedtime routine:
- In the beginning, we were really strict (although kind, patient and calm) about the “once out straight-to-sleep rule”. There were NO exceptions. After a month or so we were able to be a bit more flexible. Sometimes Big M will have a Lego structure to show us and we can look then send him back up with no problem. It will be easy to go back to being strict if coming out becomes a problem.
- Rowdy play, fighting, or just plain being loud are grounds for sleep time.
- M and M have rarely been ready for bed past 8. If you have a real “set” time that you want your little ones off to dreamland the transition should be easy. Just guide them into bed with a kiss and hug. I bet they won’t even notice it wasn’t their choice after quietly playing for so long.
I know how scary and challenging the first night of this bedtime routine can be. (I’ve read the comments :)) YOU GOT THIS!
Ready for bedtime? Let me know if this bedtime routine works for you too!
* It’s working! Here are some great experiences from the comment section!
Larissa says: We’ve used this concept with our children and the great part about doing it with your first, and then subsequently having more children…they learn the process off the older one. So the ‘battle’ we had with our first at around 2yrs old, wasn’t even an issue when we had our second child. She just saw what her big brother was doing (they share a room) and we had no battle with her. We have three children now, and when the baby is old enough to move in with her sister, same thing; wonderful bedtimes.
I always feel for the parents that have to stay with their child until they fall asleep. My alone time is so precious starting at 7:30pm. I don’t know what kind of a mother I’d be without it!
Kat says : my son’s 2-1/2 now and i’ve been doing this since he was around 16 months old or so. it works great! he chooses when he wants to go into his room (no later than 7pm – he usually goes in around 5:30 or 6pm) and basically decides when he wants to go to bed (usually falls asleep between 8pm-9pm). he sleeps better and it’s less stressful for him and us. i do this with his naptime too, but usually he just has a 1-1/2 hour “quiet time” because he stopped the naps but his doc recommended a quiet time around the same time as his nap would be. and he’s so much better when he’s rested even if it’s just playing in his room.
Lydia says: THANK YOU!!! My husband insisted I write and thank you! We have been doing this with our children for about a month. I was a little skeptical at first but it has proven effective. I have 2 boys (5 & 3) and one girl (2). I am expecting my fourth in 2 weeks and have very little patience at the end of the day. We tried this after a particularly taxing day and are amazed how well it is working. We would sit in our boys’ room until they were asleep, then they would come into our room in the middle of the night because they were scared. The first night was a dream! They went into their room at 7 and didn’t come out until they were ready to go to bed. We have family close by so some nights we are out later than bedtime. However, when we are at home, they understand the process and jump right back into our bedtime routine. My boys are sleeping better than ever and I am getting some much needed talk time with my husband after the kids go to bed and am much more patient with them. We don’t yell at them as they are going to bed anymore. Our daughter has been a good sleeper from the beginning but she is also still in her crib in her own room. We will do this with her when she moves into a big-girl bed so hopefully that transition will be a little easier.
Hi
Can i just say thank you thank you thank you for this blog. I have 8 year old twin girls who both sleep in the same room and the bedtimes were driving me mad. I put them down and i woild let them read for 15 mins but after that i would either getboth of them mucking about or one of them in and out constantly from needing a drink, asking if daddy is home to head/leg/foot ache. It did get to the stage where my husband would say that mummies changed her name. Just recently shes been wanting me to stay with her.
When i stumbled across your blog, i just had to try it. What did i have to loose i thought its the summer hols therefore no bedtime restrictions, lets have a go.
Day 1 i let the girls colour in, i their room and explained that they could do this for as long as they liked (there faces lit up at this) and they couldn’t open the door unless they wanted to go to sleep. So, after toileting etc they both settled down to colouring in at 8.30. I heard bearly any noise from them. About an hour later one called for me for bed and theother followed at 10.50 ish !!! I first thought this isnt going to work but it was only the first night.
Day 2. I decided to change things slightly. I let the girls read for as long as they like and wow i am amazed. My first daughter was 10 mins after bedtime and my other daughter was 30 mins no noise, nothing, just straight to sleep.
Long may this continue. I will be telling all my fellow mummies who are also tearing their hair out at bedtime.
Thank you once again
YAY!!!!! Sounds like you were in the same place as I was when I found this. Enjoy your new found Mommy time!
Jill
So how long did it take for your kids to get the hang of this and how did you explain it to them? This is night 2 of trying it with my 5yo and my 3 yo twins and I am losing my mind. They are up and down and in and out of their rooms. They want me in the rooms, they’re crying if I try to send them back to play. It’s a nightmare and basically no different to any other night. At this stage, I put them in to play an hour ago. One twin is asleep and the other has been so upset I’ve given in and am sitting on her bed to keep her calm. My 5 yo is upset because she wants my attention and I’m in with her sisters and won’t let her come in here. Bedtime is the final frontier of hell in our house and I’m beside myself.
Oh Victoria! I’m so glad you wrote. I want to help you get this figured out and enjoying bedtime! Here are a couple of ideas but please come back if you need more. 🙂
Try creating a behavior book with all three of them. Keep it positive and focused on how big they are. And lay out how the entire routine will go starting with what you will do before rest time and what will happen when you finally pull up their covers and kiss them good night.
Here are some important words for you to use when you get them into rest time. “When you come out of your room, I will know you are ready for sleep. I will give you a kiss and tuck you in.” “Rest time is a great time for you to unwind and let your body get ready for sleep.” “Rest time is for you… and for us. We’ve spent a lot of time doing X together today. Now it’s time for Dad and I to relax and let your bodies unwind before bed.”
My daughter will be 3 in september. She has been in a regular twin size bed from 14 months on. She’s always went to sleep perfect. She has her stuffed animals, we would turn off the light and shut the door. (She has a night light and a fan in her room) Now for the past week it’s been screaming, yelling, kicking because she doesn’t want to go to sleep. At my wits end I ended up laying with her until she went to sleep last night then she woke up several times through the night and I had to go back in. I ended up just sleeping with her out of exhaustion. She doesn’t have toys in her room (other than the stuffed animals in her bed) because she has a toy room downstairs. Also her bed is too high for her to get in/out of on her own. I’m sorry this is so long but I’m desperate for your opinion. Should I bring a few toys in (she loves Legos as well) and lower her bed down? We had it on risers because I was afraid she would get out of bed and go to the stairs. I will definitely be giving this method a shot just curious about the above mentioned stuff. Thank you so much for your help!
Anna, What else has changed? Did she watch a movie that might have scared her? Did you move or someone close to you move? Is she going to be starting preschool? Have you or your husband been working longer hours than normal? Has she been sick?
I don’t know that I would change your bedtime routine because it has worked so well for you for so long. Instead I would really try to figure out why the change in behavior. Once you figure that out bedtime might go back to normal.
Jill
I’m curious if you’d have any recommendations as to what to do for children who have trouble playing alone? My daughter needs constant stimulation, thanks to my ex and his family. It is virtually impossible to get her to play alone, and asking usually results in a meltdown 🙁
Hi Ashley, practicing a skill like playing alone is a bonus of this bedtime technique. Try joining her for rest time the first day, so she can experience what is expected of her. Then slowly back away from the play. Get her started playing with something (dolls, building a puzzle) that she can do on her own. Step away to use the bathroom, finish the dishes, fold the laundry, etc. Every time you leave extend the amount of time it takes you to come back.
I assume that she will need an adjustment period when she returns from her Dads. But once she’s used to this routine it should be a quick adjustment. On her first night back spend bits of time with her during rest time.
Let me know if you have anymore questions and I would love to hear how these tips work for you.
Jill
My kids are 4 and 2. 2 year old is still in a baby bed so how would I start this routine with him? and do you put them both in their rooms at the same time?
Hi Mandy!
2 years old is a little young to go fully into this technique BUT it would be worth it to modify it so he eases into it as he gets older. Perhaps when the 4 year old is ready for sleep you can put them both to bed. Let me know if you have any more questions. 🙂
Jill
When they first go into their room, are the lights on? or just dim lighting? Then, when the come out, ready for bedtime, do you tuck them in and turn out the lights?
Thanks!
When they are having rest time the lights are on. We turn them out when it’s time for sleep.
Hi
I need some help! I tried your technique on Sunday, 3 and almost 5 yo awake til 8.20 told me they were tired and 20 mins later I was out of the room. This is an improvement of 1 hour plus I had time to do things while they played. I was excited. Second night played til 8.30 then hubby spent 20 mins with them until they fell asleep. Third night 3 year old upset and while dealing with him 5 yo fell asleep by himself in his bed. I was beyond excited! Last night they both came out after 5 mins and won’t go back to their rooms either to sleep or to play. Same tonight. 5 yo crying that he wants me which he’s been doing since birth. The only way to get him to sleep is to lie down with him which I thought I could stop doing with this technique. What am I doing wrong?
Hi Rachel! First of all, you are not doing anything wrong. You are trying something new and anytime you try something new there is an adjustment period. It sounds like you are spending cuddle/ snuggle time with the kids AFTER rest time? Once they have decided they are ready for sleep. Maybe try moving that time to just before rest time. That way when they are ready for bed, it’s just a quick kiss goodnight and you leave the room. For your 5 yo, a technique that has worked really well for us is Positive Behavior Books. You could make a very simple book using your son as the main character. The idea is that it shows step by step how you want him to behave, as if this plan was already in action. “I am very big and I go to sleep all by myself. I close my eyes and relax my body.”
I hope that helps, let me know if you need any more support. I’m cheering for you!
Jillian