Bedtime Routine for Kids – Creative and Fun Way to Make Bedtime Better
Ahhhh bedtime. Peaceful. Quiet.
The perfect time for parents to relax, recharge and reconnect with each other.
After the kids have smiled their last sleepy smile you close the door and drift downstairs ready to let the adult time begin.
Doesn’t that bedtime routine sound fabulous… and well UNREALISTIC?!?!?
I would have agreed until about 6 months ago. I was in search of a way to fix our bedtime woes.
{Awesome update! This bedtime routine has now been working for us for 4 years. I couldn’t be happier. I hope you will find the same success getting the kids to go to bed and making bedtime a wonderful experience for everyone.}
The Bedtime Battle (when I was NOT getting the kids to go to bed)
M and M had become out of control at bedtime. Begging for one more drink, yelling for me (or at each other), crying for me to stay in the room.
It was awful… and of course, I made terrible parenting choices.
I was so, so exhausted by that point in the evening that I was doing things I don’t even consider during the day.
Bribery, bending (um breaking) set rules, yelling (ick), and worst of all letting guilt sway my parenting choices.
I just kept picturing their dreams being filled with my angry/ exhausted/ frustrated face… since that was the last thing they had seen.
I would go soft and let them get away with anything. It got to the point where Hubs had to put them to bed for me… I had lost ALL credibility at bedtime.
Bedtime Routine for Kids – Creative and Fun Way to Make Bedtime Better
I came across a bedtime routine while reading Parenting With Love And Logic
Let the kids decide when to go to sleep.
My brain was spinning. “WHAT?!? We would be nuts to consider it! No way, no way… NO WAY! Hmmmm…. what we’re doing isn’t working. Trying it out couldn’t hurt. Why not… we’re mostly nuts anyway.” 😉
We set a plan… decided on the boundaries and braced ourselves for a very long night.
We had the kids prepped for sleep by 7:00 pm. (Teeth brushed, jammies on, stories read.) Then we let them in on the “rules” for the evening. We told them (very honestly) that we had enjoyed spending the day with them but now we needed some “adult time”.
They were welcome to stay awake, but they were to play quietly in their room.
We would know they were ready for bed when they came out of their room. (The hidden meaning there is that they can only come out once!)
We told them to enjoy their rest and then walked down the stairs.
Would you believe they played quietly for 1 hour and then ASKED to go to bed?!?!
You read that right they actually said “I’m tired. I want to go to sleep.”
It worked! It worked! It worked!
The best part is… it’s still working. After 6 months it is still working. I love awesome parenting tricks that are so easy to execute!
Note: This routine worked great for us, but it may be helpful to investigate sleep problems in kids a bit to make sure there isn’t an underlying issue that needs to be addressed.
Extra Tips for this bedtime routine:
- In the beginning, we were really strict (although kind, patient and calm) about the “once out straight-to-sleep rule”. There were NO exceptions. After a month or so we were able to be a bit more flexible. Sometimes Big M will have a Lego structure to show us and we can look then send him back up with no problem. It will be easy to go back to being strict if coming out becomes a problem.
- Rowdy play, fighting, or just plain being loud are grounds for sleep time.
- M and M have rarely been ready for bed past 8. If you have a real “set” time that you want your little ones off to dreamland the transition should be easy. Just guide them into bed with a kiss and hug. I bet they won’t even notice it wasn’t their choice after quietly playing for so long.
I know how scary and challenging the first night of this bedtime routine can be. (I’ve read the comments :)) YOU GOT THIS!
Ready for bedtime? Let me know if this bedtime routine works for you too!
* It’s working! Here are some great experiences from the comment section!
Larissa says: We’ve used this concept with our children and the great part about doing it with your first, and then subsequently having more children…they learn the process off the older one. So the ‘battle’ we had with our first at around 2yrs old, wasn’t even an issue when we had our second child. She just saw what her big brother was doing (they share a room) and we had no battle with her. We have three children now, and when the baby is old enough to move in with her sister, same thing; wonderful bedtimes.
I always feel for the parents that have to stay with their child until they fall asleep. My alone time is so precious starting at 7:30pm. I don’t know what kind of a mother I’d be without it!
Kat says : my son’s 2-1/2 now and i’ve been doing this since he was around 16 months old or so. it works great! he chooses when he wants to go into his room (no later than 7pm – he usually goes in around 5:30 or 6pm) and basically decides when he wants to go to bed (usually falls asleep between 8pm-9pm). he sleeps better and it’s less stressful for him and us. i do this with his naptime too, but usually he just has a 1-1/2 hour “quiet time” because he stopped the naps but his doc recommended a quiet time around the same time as his nap would be. and he’s so much better when he’s rested even if it’s just playing in his room.
Lydia says: THANK YOU!!! My husband insisted I write and thank you! We have been doing this with our children for about a month. I was a little skeptical at first but it has proven effective. I have 2 boys (5 & 3) and one girl (2). I am expecting my fourth in 2 weeks and have very little patience at the end of the day. We tried this after a particularly taxing day and are amazed how well it is working. We would sit in our boys’ room until they were asleep, then they would come into our room in the middle of the night because they were scared. The first night was a dream! They went into their room at 7 and didn’t come out until they were ready to go to bed. We have family close by so some nights we are out later than bedtime. However, when we are at home, they understand the process and jump right back into our bedtime routine. My boys are sleeping better than ever and I am getting some much needed talk time with my husband after the kids go to bed and am much more patient with them. We don’t yell at them as they are going to bed anymore. Our daughter has been a good sleeper from the beginning but she is also still in her crib in her own room. We will do this with her when she moves into a big-girl bed so hopefully that transition will be a little easier.
Gosh I wish this method would work for me!!! Unfortunately my 3 year old would happily stay awake until 10pm/11pm/12am every night. I know that he just will not voluntarily go to bed using this method as he is champion at staying awake and not getting tired. He has recently been diagnosed with autism and apparently sleep problems are common with children with autism.
I am optimistic about using this with my daughter in the future though!
These are great tips! I shared this on pinterest.
Not sure if anyone is checking this thread anymore, but I saw a comment where someone was successful at using this method with an 18mo.
My son is almost 18m and we need to teach him to fall asleep on his own. Once he’s asleep, he’s usually down for the night even when his sister (6mo) is screaming in the next room. I don’t doubt this method could work for us, but my son also has a language delay and I’m not sure he would understand the “rules”.
Hi Mrs. Mylen,
Try typing this comment in reply to the comment you saw. That should send the person who left the comment an email with your question. If it doesn’t work, ask me again. I can try posting on my FB page to see if any of my followers have advice for you.
Jillian
Hi there, I tried reading through some of the comments to see if anyone has tried this with a 2 year old. My son cannot fall asleep on his own, I don’t think I can remember a single night that we or his dad has not been with him when he fell asleep. This results to him waking in the middle of the night and joining us in our room. He doesn’t play in his room often and doesn’t have many toys in there. Any suggestions on what we should try doing to make this work. Anything is appreciated. I would love to have a full nights sleep in my bed without him crawling on top of me. Thanks. Heather.
Heather, Maybe try easing into it. Can you modify rest time so that you are playing with him for now? Only quiet toys and encouraging him to get involved alone. Then as he gets more and more comfortable you could “need” to walk away for a few minutes. Go to the bathroom, switch the laundry, etc. Extend the time you’re gone until he doesn’t need you right there anymore.
Once you are doing this you might find that he is happy to lay down on his own because his calm quiet time with you has already happened. I would love to hear if any of this works for you. There are a lot of parents in your boat!
Good luck.
Any suggestions? I tried this tonight for the first time – no luck at all. I will try again…but I am literally at my wits end. Most nights end in tears (mine and hers). She is five and thinks she rules the house. The 8 year old goes to sleep without any difficulty at all. Most nights if she is asleep before 10 it is a good night. And that is because I am in bed also. It is up and down 100 times. Crying, begging us to stay in her bed. She was sleep trained at 4 months and doing great until 14 months when my husband returned from Afghanistan and then rocked her to sleep every night for a year. It’s been a nightmare since then. And only gotten worse instead of better. I do not know what to do. I hope this will work…but I don’t know. She has been out of her room 4 times at least now in an hour. I am about to go read her a story and put her to bed. We will try again tomorrow night.
Thanks
Hi Leslie, How exhausting for both of you. I hope I can help with a few extra tips. What time did you start rest time? Is it possible she was already tired when she started playing quietly by herself? I find that if we wait until my kids are tired we risk hitting overtired and overtired means nobody can make sensible choices. So maybe try starting rest time 30 minutes earlier.
Did she come out of her room during rest time? If so, make sure to stick to the rule that if you come out you are telling us you are ready for sleep. Once out means bedtime. Calmly say “Oh, you came out, you must be ready for bed.” Let’s get you tucked in.” If she argues that you can remind her that tomorrow will be another great chance to choose her bedtime. Have her think about what she might like to do during rest time.
Another strategy that I think goes well with this one is Positive Behavior Books. Most kids love to feel BIG, if you can spin this new bedtime into her becoming more grown up she just might be really excited about it. For the Positive Behavior Book focus on the time that was a struggle. Did she come out during rest or after being tucked in? Make the book during the day and read it several times before rest time.
Good luck and please let me know if you have any more questions.
Great post. I was reading it thinking this is a great idea I should really try this and then I turned to my daughter and said “how would you feel tonight if you were allowed to play in your room until you want to go to sleep?” Her answer … “Yes I know, that’s what I do!”
Confused, I thought about it and realised oh yes that’s what we’ve always done but I just didn’t realise it! We just have the lights low read a story together and then she starts with her own book to flick through and then plays calmly until she falls to sleep around 8-8:30 (she’s 5 now but has been doing this from the age of about 2 1/2). Same if she wakes up early, she plays in her bed until the sun on her clock comes on.
So thank you for helping realise what our bedtime routine is
I love that! Thanks for sharing.
My kids are 5, 5 and 4 and share a room. This would never work because they would stay up talking and playing to infinity! If one, or two, had already made the “decision” to go to sleep and the other(s) didn’t, that would just create a big fight. Luckily they only talk a few minutes now, they have until their “moon” light goes off. They never leave the room, never have. But they did used to talk to each other for a long time until we instituted the moon rule. Now if one talks after the moon goes off, the others remind that one of the rule.
My daughter is struggled with 4 year old gettting up during the night and crawling in her bed. As a single working mom, she doesn’t have the “middle of the night energy” to get up and take him back to bed every time. Instead they both sleep badly. How do you all keep little ones in bed? He GOES to sleep fine. It’s staying asleep that is the problem.
Hi! Being tired certainly makes it more difficult to be consistent. It sounds like this has turned into a habit. I would start by making a plan. Have her think about an upcoming time when she has 3 or 4 days to devote to this. Days that she can make sure to get to bed early, not need to get up too early, etc. So that she is ready to tackle the middle of the night challenge. I would bet that a few days of returning him to his room instead of snuggling will stop the problem. If she wants to email me specifics (his age, the reason he says he’s getting up, etc.) I might be able to help her brainstorm some more ideas. A good night sleep is so important for everyone. I’m happy to offer far away support 🙂 (amomwithalessonplan@gmail.com)