Bedtime Routine for Kids – Creative and Fun Way to Make Bedtime Better
Ahhhh bedtime. Peaceful. Quiet.
The perfect time for parents to relax, recharge and reconnect with each other.
After the kids have smiled their last sleepy smile you close the door and drift downstairs ready to let the adult time begin.
Doesn’t that bedtime routine sound fabulous… and well UNREALISTIC?!?!?
I would have agreed until about 6 months ago. I was in search of a way to fix our bedtime woes.
{Awesome update! This bedtime routine has now been working for us for 4 years. I couldn’t be happier. I hope you will find the same success getting the kids to go to bed and making bedtime a wonderful experience for everyone.}
The Bedtime Battle (when I was NOT getting the kids to go to bed)
M and M had become out of control at bedtime. Begging for one more drink, yelling for me (or at each other), crying for me to stay in the room.
It was awful… and of course, I made terrible parenting choices.
I was so, so exhausted by that point in the evening that I was doing things I don’t even consider during the day.
Bribery, bending (um breaking) set rules, yelling (ick), and worst of all letting guilt sway my parenting choices.
I just kept picturing their dreams being filled with my angry/ exhausted/ frustrated face… since that was the last thing they had seen.
I would go soft and let them get away with anything. It got to the point where Hubs had to put them to bed for me… I had lost ALL credibility at bedtime.
Bedtime Routine for Kids – Creative and Fun Way to Make Bedtime Better
I came across a bedtime routine while reading Parenting With Love And Logic
Let the kids decide when to go to sleep.
My brain was spinning. “WHAT?!? We would be nuts to consider it! No way, no way… NO WAY! Hmmmm…. what we’re doing isn’t working. Trying it out couldn’t hurt. Why not… we’re mostly nuts anyway.” 😉
We set a plan… decided on the boundaries and braced ourselves for a very long night.
We had the kids prepped for sleep by 7:00 pm. (Teeth brushed, jammies on, stories read.) Then we let them in on the “rules” for the evening. We told them (very honestly) that we had enjoyed spending the day with them but now we needed some “adult time”.
They were welcome to stay awake, but they were to play quietly in their room.
We would know they were ready for bed when they came out of their room. (The hidden meaning there is that they can only come out once!)
We told them to enjoy their rest and then walked down the stairs.
Would you believe they played quietly for 1 hour and then ASKED to go to bed?!?!
You read that right they actually said “I’m tired. I want to go to sleep.”
It worked! It worked! It worked!
The best part is… it’s still working. After 6 months it is still working. I love awesome parenting tricks that are so easy to execute!
Note: This routine worked great for us, but it may be helpful to investigate sleep problems in kids a bit to make sure there isn’t an underlying issue that needs to be addressed.
Extra Tips for this bedtime routine:
- In the beginning, we were really strict (although kind, patient and calm) about the “once out straight-to-sleep rule”. There were NO exceptions. After a month or so we were able to be a bit more flexible. Sometimes Big M will have a Lego structure to show us and we can look then send him back up with no problem. It will be easy to go back to being strict if coming out becomes a problem.
- Rowdy play, fighting, or just plain being loud are grounds for sleep time.
- M and M have rarely been ready for bed past 8. If you have a real “set” time that you want your little ones off to dreamland the transition should be easy. Just guide them into bed with a kiss and hug. I bet they won’t even notice it wasn’t their choice after quietly playing for so long.
I know how scary and challenging the first night of this bedtime routine can be. (I’ve read the comments :)) YOU GOT THIS!
Ready for bedtime? Let me know if this bedtime routine works for you too!
* It’s working! Here are some great experiences from the comment section!
Larissa says: We’ve used this concept with our children and the great part about doing it with your first, and then subsequently having more children…they learn the process off the older one. So the ‘battle’ we had with our first at around 2yrs old, wasn’t even an issue when we had our second child. She just saw what her big brother was doing (they share a room) and we had no battle with her. We have three children now, and when the baby is old enough to move in with her sister, same thing; wonderful bedtimes.
I always feel for the parents that have to stay with their child until they fall asleep. My alone time is so precious starting at 7:30pm. I don’t know what kind of a mother I’d be without it!
Kat says : my son’s 2-1/2 now and i’ve been doing this since he was around 16 months old or so. it works great! he chooses when he wants to go into his room (no later than 7pm – he usually goes in around 5:30 or 6pm) and basically decides when he wants to go to bed (usually falls asleep between 8pm-9pm). he sleeps better and it’s less stressful for him and us. i do this with his naptime too, but usually he just has a 1-1/2 hour “quiet time” because he stopped the naps but his doc recommended a quiet time around the same time as his nap would be. and he’s so much better when he’s rested even if it’s just playing in his room.
Lydia says: THANK YOU!!! My husband insisted I write and thank you! We have been doing this with our children for about a month. I was a little skeptical at first but it has proven effective. I have 2 boys (5 & 3) and one girl (2). I am expecting my fourth in 2 weeks and have very little patience at the end of the day. We tried this after a particularly taxing day and are amazed how well it is working. We would sit in our boys’ room until they were asleep, then they would come into our room in the middle of the night because they were scared. The first night was a dream! They went into their room at 7 and didn’t come out until they were ready to go to bed. We have family close by so some nights we are out later than bedtime. However, when we are at home, they understand the process and jump right back into our bedtime routine. My boys are sleeping better than ever and I am getting some much needed talk time with my husband after the kids go to bed and am much more patient with them. We don’t yell at them as they are going to bed anymore. Our daughter has been a good sleeper from the beginning but she is also still in her crib in her own room. We will do this with her when she moves into a big-girl bed so hopefully that transition will be a little easier.
I feel I have tried everything under the sun to get my 2 1/2 year old to go to sleep by himself. He use to do great! Walk him up to bed give hugs and kisses and say night night. He would lay down and go right to sleep without either my husband or I in his room until… our neighbors started lighting off fireworks in July one night and I think it scared him… since then he says he is scared of thunder or scared of fireworks when we ask him why does he need daddy to stay in his room. Some nights he will read a couple of books and then lay down and go right to sleep as long as daddy sits in his room, other nights he tosses and turns and giggles and kicks until we threaten him that daddy is going to go downstairs. On a positive note he does just fine for naps and is fine at grandmas house when he stays over night. I really hope this method works for him, but what do we do when he comes out of his room? I know that means bedtime, but do we just lay him down and say bedtime and walk out? I think he is going to throw a fit as soon as we walk out like he does now. Do we lay him down and then stay in there? His big thing is he wants us in his room. Once he falls asleep we sneak out and most nights he sleeps all night by himself. He will occasionally wake up and cry out but will then go right back to sleep as soon as one of us goes to his room and sits for a few moments. Also what are your thoughts about the ipad? He loves the ipad and I think would play on it for hours if we let him.. Should we just have quiet toys? I am excited to try this!!
Since fear is an issue I have a list of books and activities that helped us a lot. Click here –> Dreams We are about to revisit that list as well since my 7 year old is having trouble with the transition to her own room. Also you might try turning on music when he goes to sleep. That will make the outside noises less obvious.
It sounds like you had a great thing going until things went off track a bit. I bet it won’t be long before you’re back to beautiful bedtimes! I don’t recommend using electronics. I know for myself and for my kids screens have a way of recharging us and making us forget just how tired we are. I think quiet toys are the way to go. Good luck!
I could kiss you:-))), seriously myself and my wife where at breaking point over our children’s non sleeping then we came across your article and now here we are on day 3 of this with our two boys ages 3 & 4(12 months apart) and we can not believe just how simple and effective it WORKS.
Our sons have completely taken to this like ducks to water.
The first night our 4yr came in after 5mins and said I’m ready now and tonight both were asleep @ 7:45 pm. Our daughter who is 19 months will also fall into this routine once she is old enough. I had to thank you from two recovering parents of non sleepers:-))
Now the big question is what do we do in the evenings with this free time! blessings to you and huge Praise from a grateful dad in Ireland.
I was just scanning the comments of this post and realized I never responded to you! Surprising since I read this comment to everyone. 🙂 Thank you so much for the kind words. I hope you’re still enjoying quiet time in the evening.
I love this, but wondering how i could incorporate this for nap time? I have a very active and spirited 3yo who clearly needs to nap, but refuses. 90% of the time that we try for a nap, it ends in a meltdown from both of us.
🙁 Amanda, I was right there with you what feels like forever ago. I NEEDED him to sleep and he needed it too. Unfortunately I never found a great solution. Do you think he would play in his room quietly for “nap time”? If he spent an hour quietly playing, he might just fall asleep on the days he really needs it. And at the very least you’ll get the much needed hour of downtime. Let me know if you try that and how it works. You are not alone and I would love to pass this on to other struggling mamas.
So I tried it, but he doesn’t want to play in there alone. I told h when he came out from playing that it was time to nap, and it ended up in a meltdown from both of us. This could be my fault because when he is acting up I often threaten nap-time :/ now I’m unsure how to fix this…he hits, screams and spits when it’s time to get in bed. He is also very mommy-centered, and loves playing with me, which I love, but when it’s time for a nap he literally digs his heels in. How do I fix this? I’ve also realized from this post that I often parent from guilt too.
Okay Amanda I’m going to send you to two different places. #1 Here is a great post about rest time when naps stop. #2 Parenting from guilt is a very hard thing. This post about Banishing the Should Mama is brilliant.
I’ve met both of these Mama’s in person and I can tell you that they are the real deal. They have a lot to teach and do it in a very loving way. Look around there sites and soak it up as you can. Hugs to you.
How’s it going Amanda?
Hı 🙂 my daughter is 3 years old and i couldn’t do this routine because she is alone and doesnt wants to play alone. She always wants me or my husband with her. What can i do about this. And also she always wants më to sleep her. Shè doesn’t sleep by herself. Help please. .!
If fear is an issue for her sleeping alone I have a list of books and activities that helped us a lot. Click here –> Dreams We are about to revisit that list as well since my 7 year old is having trouble with the transition to her own room.
Since she prefers to play with others you could ease her into independent play. On the first few nights have you or your husband play with her. Then gradually spend less time there. Leave the room for a few minutes to grab something or go to the bathroom. Every time you do it make the time longer until she is playing alone comfortably. Imagine what an amazing tool you will be giving her! Independent play and work is an important skill to learn.
Also, another reader (I think in these comments) said her kids were always welcome to come in her room at night. She just didn’t make it very comfortable. They were to sleep on blankets on the floor next to her bed. This might be a good way to make her bed look more appealing.
Please come back if you feel like you need more support. Good luck!
Hi mumma.
My son is 2 and we have really bad sleeping issues. He needs me to lay down with him. I have tried the play before bed thing, and it doesn’t work for us. He still requires me to lay down with him. He also wakes at 12 am and is up until 4 am and refuses to stay in bed or even in my bed. I’m trying to do it calmly and patiently but it’s killing me slowly…im so exhausted and clueless at yo what to do next. We refuse to CIO and CC
That is so hard Jessi! Your son is still pretty young to try this technique with but it won’t be long before it will the right time. How early is he getting up and how long are his naps? Does he seem tired from 12 – 4 or is he wide awake?
What’s your rule on letting the kids out for a bathroom break?? I saw that they are only allowed out once then it’s bedtime. My 3 year old is still needing to go on her schedule. Even after she goes before bed she will go again. Bedtimes have been terrible the last week that I’m at my wits end. Ready to try something else.
Let her go. 🙂 If you notice she’s using it as an excuse then you can adjust to a more structured rule that works for your family. For now though, making it to the potty overrides everything!
I tried this with my daughter and went into thinking this is gonna work great for her. She always wants either my husband or me to lie down with her until she falls asleep. Or, even worse, needs a ride in the car. She is 3 and we have a new baby in the house and getting her to bed has become more difficult since he was born. Anyway, I was hopeful this approach would work. She played for a little while but got bored quickly and asked to go to sleep. Then she threw a monkey wrench into things by saying something I didn’t expect – she is “scared” to go to sleep by herself. I asked why, and she said she was afraid bad guys would come and get her. Of course I assured her that wouldn’t happen, and that we were right here, etc. How do I get past that? She decided she wanted to play by herself again for a while, then said she wanted to go to bed again but was again too scared to be alone. My husband ended up driving her because he happened to need to run an errand anyway. I’m tired of wasting time and sometimes wasting gas when I could be spending this time with my husband (my baby thankfully sleeps during this time).
Ugh! How difficult your evenings are. I’m sure you are so ready to snuggle up on the couch and relax. I can offer you a few tips, but I think you should keep at it for sure!
First of all, I would take driving out of the pool of options immediately. It sounds like it’s become a go to and will be way too easy to fall back into on the nights things don’t go well. If fear is an issue I have a list of books and activities that helped us a lot. Click here –> Dreams We are about to revisit that list as well since my 7 year old is having trouble with the transition to her own room.
Since she prefers to play with others (and is probably still adjusting to life as a sibling) you could ease her into independent play. On the first few nights have you or your husband play with her. Then gradually spend less time there. Leave the room for a few minutes to grab something or go to the bathroom. Every time you do it make the time longer until she is playing alone comfortably. Imagine what an amazing tool you will be giving her! Independent play and work is an important skill to learn.
Please come back if you feel like you need more support. Good luck!
Thank you for responding! Your suggestions sound so simple and logical I wish I had thought of them myself. I will definitely try those if I run into problems, but I have good news – we tried again last night, and it worked! It took a little longer than I had hoped but hopefully tonight it will take less time. She didn’t want to play by herself so I told her she could do her ABC mouse app on the iPad. I had originally thought that I would take the ipad out of the picture, but it was the only way she would agree to play alone in her room. She then played with it for about 45 minutes, then asked for a drink (that’s how I know she’s tired – she always wants something to drink when she’s getting drowsy), so I told her it was bedtime. I left a nightlight on and she didn’t even ask me or my husband to stay with her! We just went in, said good night, kissed, and that was it. She was out immediately! Thanks!
oh, and I forgot to add, that my husband and I were able to relax on the couch watching a DVD and weren’t interrupted at all!
I just got chills that you were able to watch something together. I remember how much we needed that and I know nice it must have been!
Thank you so much for checking in. I love hearing that it worked so well for you!
i can get my kid to go to bed.. But around 2am she crawls into my bed. She’s 5. I’ve been fighting her for years to go back into her bed.. What can I do?!
Why does she come in? Is it habit or fear? Do you know what’s waking her up? We had this weird thing happen when we moved into the new house. My husband was waking up at 1am. It took a few days for him to realize that the sprinklers next to our bedroom were scheduled to go off at that time. If it’s the same time every night there might be a noise that wakes her.
Another reader (I think in these comments) said her kids were always welcome to come in her room. She just didn’t make it very comfortable. They were to sleep on blankets on the floor next to her bed. This might be a good way of transitioning out of a habit (if that’s what the problem is).
I’m curious if anyone who is still breastfeeding their lo has had any success with this? My toddler still breast feed and we live in a studio. Any suggestions on how this would work? I have a current routine, dinner bath, reading, bed. But I can’t seem to get him to bed earlier than 10. He used to go to sleep by 8. I could use those 2 extra hours again
Do you nurse him right before bed? If not maybe that could happen right before rest time. I always suggest starting rest time earlier than you think you should. That way you don’t miss the window of tired. Your son is probably catching a second wind, it might be as simple as moving everything to an earlier time. Good luck and let me know how it goes.
Hi! Thanks for the post! I have a 2 1/2yo boy and since he was born I’ve been trying everything to make him sleep alone but since he was 10 months we have been struggling with this subject. It basically resumes in the fact that I have to stay in his room until he falls asleep. When i tried to change it and make him sleep by himself he started screaming like really afraid, so the solution we found was to put a tv in his room with 1 or 2 fav movies and he goes to bed, watch it for more or less 30 min and falls asleep on his own, but i never wanted to have a tv in his room. I’m 7 months pregnant now and i would like to have a routine that works for all of us. I’m afraid to try this because I don’t want him to be afraid again of being in his room. What do you recommend me to do? Should i wait a little so he is older and understand better what we want him to do? Thank you!!
Hi Diana! I would say that for now you should stick with what’s working. At 7 months pregnant there are enough changes in the immediate future. Bookmark this post (pin it or email it to yourself) and once everyone is settled into the new family addition you can try it out. Congrats!