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Home - connect with kids – look them in the eye

connect with kids – look them in the eye

By Jillian | October 21, 2019
Filed under: Parenting Tagged: How to talk to kids

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When you talk to your kids (or any kids for that matter) how do position your body?  Hmmm, is that a strange question?  I have a good reason for asking, so give it some thought. 😉

Visual examples of what kids see when you're talking to them.

Do you stand tall over them and look down?

such a simple trick for connecting with kids - and oh so important!

Or do you squat down and look them in the eye?

The simple action of getting down on kid level will make for an even stronger connection in the conversation.  Don’t worry if you can’t squat.  There are lots of ways to get down to kid level!  Sit on a chair, sit on the ground, squat or kneel down.  Anything that brings you eye to eye.

such a simple trick for connecting with kids - and oh so important!

Look at Little M’s neck in this picture.  She has to lean her head way back to talk to her Auntie L.  Their faces are actually very far apart and eye contact is difficult.  Can you imagine talking to everyone like this?

such a simple trick for connecting with kids - and oh so important!

When Auntie L squats down in front of her, Little M easily shares her story face to face.  Getting down on kid level helps kids learn the important skill of eye contact while conversing.  It also show’s that you are ready to give your full attention.  Doesn’t that sound like a wonderful way to enter a conversation?

such a simple trick to connect with kids - and oh so important!

So I ask again, how do you  position your body when talking to kids?

Simple parenting tricks like this one can make all the difference when comes to really connecting with your kids.

And that’s why I decided to say YES!
Limit Screen Time
Dinner Conversation

This post originally appeared on May 9, 2012.

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Comments

  1. Amanda @ Not Just Cute says

    May 9, 2012 at 7:57 am

    What a great post and a wonderful way to make it visual! One of my teaching mentors always said that working with children was great exercise because you have to do a lot of deep squats! Eye contact really is so critical. Thanks for pointing that out in such an effective way!

    Reply
    • Jillian says

      May 9, 2012 at 7:31 pm

      Ha ha! When my son was little I joked with friends that they could just borrow him instead of joining a gym. Kids are a great workout!

      Reply
  2. Jennifer says

    May 9, 2012 at 10:04 am

    Great post! I have always done this, instinctively, even before I became a mom. I would always kneel/squat down with my nephew and niece when talking with them. It’s more pleasant for *me* to be able to look them in the face when interacting with them, let alone for them!

    Reply
    • Jillian says

      May 9, 2012 at 7:28 pm

      I agree that it’s more pleasant for the adults as well as the kids. Nicely said!

      Reply
  3. Kristin says

    May 9, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    This is fantastic! Such a good reminder to all of us.

    Reply
    • Jillian says

      May 9, 2012 at 7:27 pm

      Thank you!

      Reply
  4. Sheri says

    May 9, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    Appreciate the way you illustrated this post. We don’t realize how we come off to children. By getting down to their level we show them just how valuable they are instead of towering over them to show them how “powerful” we are.

    Reply
    • Jillian says

      May 9, 2012 at 7:23 pm

      I love that. I certainly don’t need my kids to feel that I have “power” over them. Thanks for the comment. 🙂

      Reply
  5. Trisha says

    May 9, 2012 at 7:10 pm

    Eye contact is so important. Love your visual.

    Reply
    • Jillian says

      May 9, 2012 at 7:20 pm

      Thanks Trisha. 🙂

      Reply
  6. lucy says

    May 9, 2012 at 7:17 pm

    The other day we had friends over who are professional clowns. Well as you can imagine, they started entertaining our daughter (16 months old) and eventually a dance-off occured. When my daughter realized that our friends husband was towering over her and she had to look up, she started to point to the floor motioning him to go down. This is something we taught her to do with our dog. So I am thinking that in her little head she said, “This guy needs to come down to my level and dance with me.” I have been trying to use this tactic with her because she tends to respond better to me if she gets into things (kitchen cabinets, closets, etc. ) and she will stop. If I tower over her it’s seems as though I am talking to the wall and she continues. So I do have to remind myself to get down to her level. Good advice.

    Reply
    • Jillian says

      May 9, 2012 at 7:20 pm

      What a lovely story! I love that you are teaching her to communicate what she wants. Did he come down to her level?

      Reply
      • lucy says

        May 9, 2012 at 7:25 pm

        I forgot to mention, that she kept pointing down and when I connected the dots, he did just that. He got down on his knees and kept dancing with her. It amazes me how parents have to decipher, translate, and interpret baby and body language (I am a new mom).

        Reply
        • Jillian says

          May 9, 2012 at 7:33 pm

          Sounds like you are doing a terrific job! (Glad your friend was able to accommodate her!)

          Reply
  7. Rebekah @ Justfordaisy says

    May 9, 2012 at 7:36 pm

    This is fabulous! 🙂 I do get down on my daughter’s level most of the time and ask for her to have eye contact. This is a fabulous reminder of WHY it’s important to do so! 🙂 Thanks for a great post!

    Reply
    • Jillian says

      May 14, 2012 at 8:35 am

      Thank you Rebekah.

      Reply
  8. Emily Woodhouse says

    May 9, 2012 at 9:22 pm

    Hi Jillian! That’s a good one. I, myself believe that the most important thing in a conversation is to maintain eye to eye contact. Practicing it with your children will teach them this valuable lesson; which is needed for rest of the life.

    Nice post. Loved that.
    -Emily

    Reply
    • Jillian says

      May 10, 2012 at 5:29 am

      Thank you Emily! I agree that eye contact is a life skill that everyone should learn.

      Reply
  9. Rachelle | TinkerLab says

    May 10, 2012 at 8:12 am

    Great post, Jillian! I’ve tested this with kids of all ages, and it really does make a difference. Your photos illustrate the point perfectly.

    Reply
    • Jillian says

      May 14, 2012 at 8:34 am

      Thank you Rachelle! I agree kids (and adults) of all ages prefer to be looked in the eye.

      Reply
  10. Whitney says

    May 10, 2012 at 11:50 am

    Picking up a child in your arms is another great way to bring them to your eye level, and give them some love at the same time. : D

    Reply
    • Jillian says

      May 14, 2012 at 8:36 am

      Picking them up is a great way to look them in the eye and get some love. Great tip. 😉

      Reply
  11. Gail L says

    May 10, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    Such great advise! I’m a foster parent for kids in therapeutic care and over the years I’ve had a few younger boys with Aspergers Syndrome and one of the symptoms is avoidance of eye contact so this is even more important when talking to these little ones as they need much more support with this issue.

    Reply
    • Jillian says

      May 14, 2012 at 8:39 am

      Thank you. Good point that every kid will benefit from this tip, but some kids need it more than others.

      Reply
  12. Megan says

    May 10, 2012 at 6:05 pm

    So true! Great post! It’s amazing that such simple things can make such a big difference.

    Reply
    • Jillian says

      May 14, 2012 at 8:40 am

      Thank you Megan!

      Reply
  13. Cassie says

    May 19, 2012 at 8:24 am

    Thank you for putting this out there! It drives me crazy when I see parents reprimanding their children like a tyrant, hover above.

    Reply
    • Jillian says

      May 24, 2012 at 1:34 pm

      Me too! Although I think some people just don’t know how it looks to the kids.

      Reply
  14. Emily @ play talk learn says

    May 21, 2012 at 6:35 am

    This is such a great visual way to remind us all to get down on the kids level! It’s a repeated theme in many language intervention programs, but this illustrates it so well!! Thanks so much for sharing it.
    Cheers
    Emily

    Reply
    • Jillian says

      May 24, 2012 at 1:35 pm

      Thank you Emily! I really appreciate the compliment.

      Reply
  15. Jen says

    May 21, 2012 at 6:17 pm

    Wow! Thanks for those photos. I think we have all heard this advice, but when you see it, it is so clear why it is a good parenting practice!

    Thank you!!

    Reply
    • Jillian says

      May 24, 2012 at 1:37 pm

      Thank you, Jen!!!

      Reply
  16. Kim says

    August 2, 2013 at 3:21 pm

    Great reminder. Especially since I’ve been trying to teach my children to use eye contact while talking to people. Thanks!

    Reply
  17. Karen Smullen says

    June 4, 2014 at 1:53 pm

    Of course, and wonderful visuals.
    When they get to be teens however, the opposite is true… a ride in the car is effective because there is so little eye contact!

    Reply
  18. Kelly - Project Me says

    June 10, 2014 at 11:02 am

    The visual image on this really grabbed my attention when I saw it on Pinterest just now. It’s a real eye opener to how our kids have to (literally) look up to adults. How nice for them when we get down to their level 🙂 I’ll share this great post on my FB page for Project Me for Busy Mothers. Thank you!

    Reply
    • Jillian says

      June 16, 2014 at 7:55 am

      Thank you Kelly!

      Reply
  19. Mag says

    August 3, 2016 at 8:15 pm

    Oh, that makes sense… I’ll think of that more often. Thank you!

    Reply
  20. Shalini Sharma says

    May 8, 2020 at 7:14 pm

    a great way of writing an rticle

    Reply

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I'm Jill Riley. I have a son and a daughter (both in the tween years), a very handsome hubby and the laziest puppy ever!
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