To Share or Not to Share
Kids Sharing | Who Gets to Decide When to Share
At a glance: It’s easy to say sharing is an important social skill (especially in siblings), it’s often paired with kindness. What if we step back to look at kids sharing from a different side? What we require from our kids just might change.
Picture this.
You have just finished up half an hour of shopping. Your cart is full of carefully picked items, you are about to start the second half of your list when a woman walks up to you.
She smiles politely and says “You’ve had that long enough… it’s my turn now.” As she strolls away with your cart another woman pats you on the shoulder. “You are so good at sharing.”
As adults, we sometimes forget how ridiculous the idea of sharing can be.
Kids are ALWAYS expected to share without question.
After all, kids who share are seen as kind.
When we step back and think about it from an adult’s perspective, it’s easier to see that sharing is not always a mark of kindness.
In some cases, we might even guide our kids not to share.
How to Encourage Kids to Share
The following steps will introduce kids to sharing and get them in the habit of sharing because they want to share.
Teach communication and compromise. Being able to say what you want and work together to find a way for both people to be happy is far better than sharing for the sake of sharing.
Use this conflict resolution technique to walk the kids through a situation where two (or more) kids want the same thing.
Model sharing out of love. Kids are always watching what we do more than listening to what we say.
Share with your kids or other adults. Do it from a loving place, not because you are being forced. Tell the kids how that sharing made you feel.
“I love mushrooms, especially when they are sauteed. I’m so happy to share what I have left with you because I know you love them just as much!”
Make a Not for Sharing rule. There are some things that kids just flat out don’t want to share. You might understand their reasoning… or you might not.
That is okay.
When you have a play-date scheduled, spend some time preparing.
Look around the room with your little one and decide which things should be put up for the play date.
“I know you have a special love for this car, would you like to put it up while your friends are here? Or maybe you would be excited to see how John uses it!”
Talk about sharing in general. Open a conversation about how sharing feels and what sharing means at a time when your little one isn’t in a position to share. This will separate the ideas of sharing from the feeling of sharing in the moment.
“Did you see that boy share the shovel he was using? I wonder how the girl felt that he was willing to share. I wonder how it felt to be the one sharing!”
Do you have a special trick to inspire sharing? Tell us about it in the comments.
For more Sibling Solutions:
I love this and the comment regarding taking the idea from the preschool.
As an older parent of three littles, I don’t teach sharing, I teach taking turns and waiting until the other is done playing with the toy. If it is a toy, like blocks or magnets, they all get to play with them at the same time. If it’s a bike, they need to wait until the other is done.
I looked at it as I don’t share my money, lunch, or car with coworkers, so why do I expect my child to share their favorite toy or to give up a toy they were perfectly happy with playing with.
They all know to ask and if the answer is no, then to ask if they can have that toy when they’re done. We are still working with the three year old on waiting and not ripping the toy from the hands of others.