Teaching Kids About Personal Space – Part 1
Teaching Kids About Personal Space – Part 1 originally appeared on July 13, 2012.
One of the very best things about M and M is that they LOVE. Oh boy do they love. They welcome everyone into their circle as instant friends, they always have. It’s a beautiful quality that I want to preserve, nurture and mimic.
All of that love can sometimes be overwhelming, especially to friends who aren’t quite as hands on. One of the lessons we practice often is respecting boundaries and personal space. We started when Big M was a toddler and I have a feeling we’ll be teaching our kids about personal space for long time to come. I get it… for someone who will always take a hug it’s hard to understand why someone wouldn’t want one. However, learning to understand what others like or don’t like is important. Learning how to read social cues is essential.
Teaching Kids About Personal Space – The Prep
Before we see friends (or in this case cousins) who we already know would prefer a quick wave to a bear hug we chat about boundaries.
- We talk about why we hug? Most likely because we like someone and want to make them happy. Knowing they don’t want a hug and still hugging makes them uncomfortable and that’s not the goal. What are some ways we can express love without a big hug?
- We discuss the importance of boundaries. Everyone has different comfort levels and everyone has the right to keep their boundaries protected.
- I haven’t tried it for this situation yet… but I’m sure a behavior book would be a powerful tool.
- I just found this great book called Personal Space Camp
by Julia Cook. It shares a journey of a boy who learns strategies for respecting other peoples personal space. There is even a light bulb moment where he realizes how others might feel about him being in their space. (affiliate link)
by Julia Cook. It shares a journey of a boy who learns strategies for respecting other peoples personal space. There is even a light bulb moment where he realizes how others might feel about him being in their space. (affiliate link)Teaching Kids About Personal Space – In the Moment
Sometimes the prep isn’t quite enough. One M or the other will be wrapped around the unsure recipient, hugging away.
- We gently remove the overeager hugger and ask some questions. “Do you think she wanted a hug?” “How do you know?”
- We talk about body language. “Did you notice how he moved when you hugged him?” “Did he hug you back?” “Did he pull his body away?” “What do you think that means?”
- We brainstorm solutions. “What are some other way’s you can let her know you are having fun?” “Can you think of three ways you could say goodbye? What is one way that would make you both happy?”
Teaching Kids About Personal Space – The Follow Up
Every learning experience can be expanded on (hey I write a blog about that. 🙂 ). Once we’re on our way home or off to the next activity it’s the perfect time to reflect.
- We try to stick to the positive. “Hey, I noticed that you stopped hugging him right when he took a step back. You must have been noticing his body language telling you to back up a bit.”
- Talking about unrelated body language clues will help make the idea more concrete. “Did you see when she moved her seat closer to the music? What do you think that meant?”
Teaching kids to respect their friends personal space is important and so is teaching them to protect their own personal space. Which angle are you coming from? Do you have a little one who loves to hug or one that would prefer a little space?
Check out these 20 personal space activities for kids for hands on, playful ways of learning about personal space!
Huggapotomus is a great book related to this.
If there’s one thing we want our kids to learn, it’s having respect of personal space and affection. Or what I would call being human.
Though most of the things we prioritize in teaching is geared towards making them smarter and developing their minds to be brilliant, we should not forget to tech our kids to use their hearts as well and know when to respect the space of others.
A great read indeed. Thanks and hope this reaches more and more readers and parents.
Hi. I feel like other parents advice is so useful. I thank you for listening. I have a 6 year old who is so very sweet and loving and she is so close to me (which I love an remind myself daily will likely change as she gets older). Sometimes she is so close to me that I feel chlosterphobic. When I sit she sits usually on my lap or so close it’s like I’m wearing her. She follows me to every room and when I’m at work she calls me 3 times in a 4 hour period. It’s just so much that I find myself becoming tense and frustrated when I’m just trying to eat or read or just breathe for a moment. How do you suggest I gently help her understand about giving me personal space? My husband privately calls her the barnacle to my ship. She gets wounded so easily if I tell her to back up a bit. Suggestions? I so appreciate your time and opinion.
Polly Duncan